One thing I don't get is that womenz like to buy shoes. All kinds of shoes. 40 pairs or some shit. Now listen, I like a woman wearing high-heels or boots as much as any blood, but I ain't buying my ho all these shoes goddamn, am I right? *crowd hollers, guy stands up going "RIGHT ON", shot of large black woman barely able to breathe through laughter*
Of course that may be why I love them so much. *Awwwww* Well not really, just one in particular. *Awwwwwww* I still gonna smack her in the eye though.
The other day, I retired my shoes of seven years, a pair of blue Airwalks. We had some great times, Airwalks and I. The time we went to college for the first time. The time we went up to Plattsburgh. The time you kicked that pigeon, right Airwalk. The time we savagely beat that hobo to death for 37 cents. The time we went on that cruise. Wait, no, those were the boat shoes, sorry! The time we went on that special walk at Hofstra because people are too dumb to locate the Meadowbrook. Ahhhh, those were the days.
But now they're going to the closet, along with my HS gym sneakers, my old old old pumas and my slippers.
These motherbitches are now in control of my feet:
Hmmmm. Okay, for some reason they look brown. But they are black. Just like I like my women.
They're pretty good and I can already put them on without needing to untie them, so I cherish them more than I do my loved ones already!
I don't really have any attachment to shoes beyond how easily I can ram them up someone's ass. I feel pretty good about these babies, though.
Well, goodnight everybody! *standing ovation, Michael Epps comes out and gives a fist bump, rap music plays, token white guy in audience claps dutifully*
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