Dream a little dream of Mii

Dreams are fun. They just are!! And I have a shitload of them. No, not "I have a dream" type dreams, I mean actual nocturnal em-- er, images.

I don't know about y'all, but my dreams tend to have recurring themes. I guess everyone does because our breadth of experience isn't THAT large. But whatever, I'm no psychologist (I just get paid to be one).

I have a ton of recurring themes, but only three I'm willing to talk about in such an open forum. So let's get right to the good stuff!

1. Doom


Ah yes, an old favorite. Don't worry, kids, this isn't as scary as it looks.

Doom of course is the penultimate FPS, the game that introduced the world into the concept of atmosphere. And to a 10-year-old, having these two bastards pop out at you is as horrifying as it gets. My life has been one of privilege and ease.

I've been over what makes Doom rockin' before so let's not go back there. Instead, let's describe the typical Doom dream I have.

Actually, there is no typical Doom dream. Usually the Doom dream kicks in during another kind of dream. For instance, I'll be dreaming of walking through some mansion when BOOM, Mancubi pop out and I'm holding a shotgun and I'm running for my life because shotguns aren't that useful against Mancubi.

While the circumstances leading to a Doom dream change, what remains consistent is that when I'm in one, I'm knee deep in one. You could say I'm Knee Deep in the Dead (but that's for pussies. ULTRAVIOLENCE AT MINIMUM OR GET OUT). It's fairly easy to come up with an obnoxiously hard Doom map, of course, so it's not a problem for my brain to drop me in the midst of a clusterfuck of nightmarish proportions.

We're talking at least four Cyberdemons, a ton of Imps (my subconscious can't get enough of em), a healthy dose of Barons and Knights, and usually a good amount of Cacodemons. If it's a particularly bad dream, Pain Elementals will show up. You do NOT want to go up against those guys under any circumstances.

So what happens in these dreams? Well, if you've played a Doom map then you'll know. Run around, try not to die, grab ammo, shoot, run s'more and hope to god there's an exit. There usually isn't but that's okay. If you don't enjoy playing Doom then these dreams will either horrify you or bore you. They're an acquired taste!!

If this sounds intense, trust me, it's not. 1) I'm great at Doom and 2) I have a backup in case I'm boned: IDDQD. IDDQD is the "degreelessness" code. I don't know how degreeling oneself makes you invulnerable, but there it is. Just punch that shit in and you can't be touched. Well, you can be touched, but it won't be the bad touch. No, not like how Mr. Bellamy used to do it. No, it's a nice touch. Ahhhhh, so soft. Ahhhhh...

Where was I? Oh yeah. I don't know where exactly it comes from (I think it's my sense of self-preservation), but if the shit hits the fan, I (somehow) type in IDDQD and all is well. Actually by that point, the dream peters out because really, once you're invincible, there's not much more you can do. I guess IDDQD really is the coward's way out but fuck you I'm not going against that Cyberdemon with just a chainsaw.

2. TIE Fighter

TIE Fighter is another oldy but goody. And yes, it's a video game. Sue me. No really, sue me. SUE ME. OH WHAT'S THAT? NO LAWYER? THEN SHUT UP AND READ.

This of course is the pinnacle of LucasArts' space-flight-simulator series set in the Star Wars universe. An improvement over X-Wing, TIE Fighter taught us all how to pilot non-shielded spacecraft in service of an oppressive imperial state, the perfect training for the US Air Force.

:waits for laughter to subside:

So anyway, the TIE Fighter dream pops up much like how the Doom dream does, though TIE Fighters seem to come more out of left field than Doom. For instance, last night's dream featured me attempting to fill out a baseball lineup card in a classroom (my radio alarm went off and was tuned to 1050) when, whoops, I'm piloting a TIE Interceptor and I've got to shoot shit down.

It was actually a fairly mundane one this time. I had to shoot down a Dreadnought that was chasing a friendly spacecraft. I shot it down with a bunch of concussion missiles which is NOT supposed to happen but whatever. Then an enemy Modified Corvette showed up and I said FUCK IT and quit the mission.

I didn't actually say FUCK IT because that would be against regulations. But I thought it really loudly.

Usually though these dreams are more interesting. Balls-to-the-wall missions of derring do, trying to shoot down starships that are itching to blow you out the space sky, piloting ships that are capable of dishing out damage and not SHITTY GODDAMN T/Is. There's typically no rhyme or reason to these dreams, either. I'm just thrown out there in the middle of a space battle. There are good guys (usually in purple??) and bad guys and I'm just firing away trying not to get blown up.

As far as I know, I have never been shot down. Not that you would ever, ever have to think that that would happen.

3. L'Empereur

"Oh boy," you're thinking. "Another video game theme." Yes, another video game dream. I told you I have plenty of recurring themes but these are the only ones I'm going over now. Okay? Okay. So sit down. And put away that gum. Yes take it out of your mouth. Stop chewing. Oh okay people did you see that? Right under the seat. This is what I deal with every time I write one of these.

Anyway, you might recognize this screenshot. Well no, it's from a rather obscure video game so you probably never saw it before, but THIS is Europe circa 1796 according to KOEI. Ah yes, a game about post-revolutionary, Napoleonic France. A strategy game. The goal being to conquer everyone (and I did).

Now you might be thinking that this is a bit too abstract to actually be a dream. This is a pretty bare-bones strategy game, not that graphical, etc. Well you're wrong. You're just wrong. It's unbelievable how wrong you are. Yes, I can dream of literally guiding a strategy game.

Of course, I don't strictly dream about L'Empereur in particular. It's like this: instead of dreaming that I'm Napoleon in 17whenever, I dream that I'm Napoleon playing in some kind of bizarro alternate universe land where I have to conquer Europe except it's not Europe at all, it's some kind of custom-made mystery continent and all the countries are sorta where they are supposed to be BUT NOT QUITE. That's as good as I can describe it without resorting to Paint and you do NOT want me to do that.

Even I am taken aback by how abstract they are. I can barely describe them because, really, you had to be there. You had to be there when I dreamed that I, as Napoleon, invaded psuedo-Austria and got cut off from the rest of France for some reason, so I had to fight in psuedo-Vienna against psuedo-Duke Charles and I psuedo-won and I actually psuedo-killed psuedo-him on the psuedo-battlefield. Su-su-sudio (da da daaa daaaaaaaa daaa da da).

It rocked. And they sometimes happen when you least expect it. And once again, I don't recall a time where I've outright been defeated, but I have had some trouble with these dreams because usually I run into some country (usually psuedo-Spain) that won't be defeated so easily and it gets really messy. You had to be there.

4. Fences



Wooden fences to be precise, like this one here. No, the one behind the shrub. What? I dunno, I guess whoever owns the shrub owns the fence. Yes, and the sidewalk too.

Now I know what you're thinking. "At last, he dreams of something erotic that I can relate to, but it's a goddamn fence??? What's with you, my love?"

First I say, stop complaining. Second, I don't dream of wooden fences per se. I mean, yeah, they are in dreams, but... wait I'm explaining this the wrong way.

The real recurring theme is not the fences themselves, it's jumping over the fences. As in, I'm running away from something. Yes, there are some dreams that I have that are not that cool, and when I can't beat my dream nemesis, I turn tail and RUN FOR THE BORDER!!!! Haha, no I really don't because I hate Taco Bell. But yeah, I'm runnin'.

This is perhaps the oldest recurring dream that I can fathom. Well, there might just be one that's even older but I won't divulge it. You can ask about it though! I don't know what first sparked it but it has been with me since at least November 7, 1989. Yes I marked the calendar. Also on that day I made it past World 6-1 in SMB3. It was a very good day.

The setting for these dreams is usually consistent. That's not actually redundant so shut up. Most commonly, I'm in my house, shit goes down, gotta bail. I get out of the house, but the dude (or dudette, if you want it that way) is still after me. So I gotta run. If I don't run out into the street, I hop the fence in my back yard. The red wooden one. I hop into my neighbor's yard, but I want to get as far away from my house as possible, so I hope the next fence. Then I hope the next fence. And so on and so on. At some point I will reach the final fence and hit the street, but it varies.

You can see some pretty obvious psychological themes here. Blah blah, I'm trying to flee from something in life, and I am picturing myself leaping over obstacles only to find another obstacle in my way. Also I feel anxious about using other people's stuff to escape from my fears. Yes we've been over this.

These dreams usually have a sense of bummer over them, but I like them. They're exciting. Sometimes I hope over a fence only to find myself in front of a ladder, which I climb all the way up. At the top is a highwire that I have to precariously walk over (I don't, I get down and clutch that fucker and shimmy across. I'm not crazy!!). And okay that only happened once, but it was a neat change.

I thinlk it's okay to be scared in dreams because it's like being scared of a movie. Unless it's a really well done scary movie, the fright leaves you after a while and then it's more like fun than anything else. So I don't mind being chased over fences.

Well that's the end of these particular themes. Of course there are more but that is a need to know conversation and you do not need to know. So ta!

No, I don't want that!

My eyes are hurting and it's late, so let's keep this quick fellas.

Things that piss me off, in no particular order:

(Well that's not true, it is in the order that it pops into my mind. MY MINDDDDDD.)

The word "scores". No, not like Long Island's most erotic adult club. Like "many," as in, "scores killed today by explosive diarrhea." Al-Jazeera loves to use this. Actually it seems to be that most foreign press like to use it.

Why is it annoying? Because it appears EVERYWHERE. Very rarely do they substitute it with "dozens." Nope, it's usually "scores killed," "scores angry," "scores voting," scores bleaching," "scores scoring," etc.

I think the real problem is that if you keep saying it over and over, it just sounds weird. Try it. Scores. Scores. Scores. Scores scores scores SCORES SCORES.

Okay, now try this next:

Say nispe over and over again. Nispe. Nispe. Nispe nispe nispe nispe NISPE NISPE.

Brett Favre. Yeah yeah, he's annoying, you've probably heard it all now. Well tough, he's still annoying.

"But, why is it annoying for a guy to come out of retirement?" Because he's a drama queen. Whua whua whua my body can't handle training camp. Lemme play coy for two months. Tee hee now I'm back! Hey, go die.

Writer's block. We all get it. Well, people who don't write don't get it, I suppose. But everyone else does. I wonder what it's like for people who rarely write, and they get the idea to write a novel, and they just get stuck.

Usually the reason why I can't write amounts to "I'm tiyerrddd." Yeah whatever. I rarely reach the point where I find myself unable to figure out what to write next (that's what rewinding is for). For instance, I was supposed to finish my next short story tonight. I've got about like six paragraphs left. Piece of cake, eh? No. It'll be done tomorrow I SWEAR.

Mike Tirico. The most milquetoast announcer in sportsdom. Yes, he makes the Gumbels look Charles Manson. If there were two Charles Mansons. Okay, Bryant is Charles and Greg is Marilyn.

Can you tell I'm watching ESPN? You got a prize if you guessed! The prize is me blowing in your ear. WAKE UP.

Movie trailers. I don't have a problem with them per se, I just hate how they're put together. Mainly I'm talking about the typical quick jumpcut montage that shows the ACTION!!! of the film.

I just don't understand what the angle is here. Yes, you can sorta perceive what's in the cuts, but to me all it amounts to is a blur of images. And sometimes they include things that make no sense, like a character TURNING AROUND DRAMATICALLY. Who even puts these things together anyway? What's the instructions? "Hey Clark, could you please just throw together random clips from the movie? And use that music that's like 'Woooooooooaoaaaawwwwhhhhhhh ching.' Yeah, like that. Okay I need that by 9:30. Yeah I know it's 9:25. So what just take anything!!! Also don't piss in my coffee this time."

I imagine that's the worst job in the world. A man should be able to piss in his boss' coffee if he wants to.

The other thing that annoys me about trailers is their tendency to cut together scenes that don't happen in the movie. For instance:

CHARACTER A
Oh boy, I hope nothing dangerous happens!

SOMETHING DANGEROUS HAPPENS

CHARACTER B
Oh wow, that was funny!!!!

I know that's a shitty example, but it perfectly illustrates my case. Why do they even bother with this?

I guess maybe I'm against trailers after all. Hmmmm. I must ponder this.

Speaking of trailers, I find x-minute movie previews to also be distasteful. This is easier to manage though because I can just not watch them. But it still irritates me that the studio thinks that showing the first 15 minutes of a movie is a good idea. It's not a good idea. You should go into a movie a movie virgin. Your ass must be pristine for that movie so that you can feel the full impact. Also the church frowns upon this kind of behavior. Sorry, babe, but we will have to wait.

WINGS. No, not the band. And not the bird appendage. Wait, actually, yes, the bird appendage. But only in a certain sense. This is gonna sound weird but stay with me.

I like wings (as in chicken wings covered in sauce and shit) because it's a fun food. I dislike the expectation that I'm supposed to just scarf these bastards down and get sauce all over my face and fingers and crap. No. I'm like the underwear inspector in "Pete & Pete," I just can't handle that. And it's not because I'm not a sloppy eater, but it's because the sauce does not come off that easy and it kinda burns and I don't like it when my face burns!!

Well folks that wraps it up for this edition of "Shit I Hate." I hope you enjoyed it. We'll come back with better programming next time. Until then, uh...

Immortality is the greatest thing ever. It's also highly overrated.

It would seem that my moms is reading the "Twilight" series of books by Stephanie "BRIGHAM YOUNG" Meyer. Oh lord.

There's a shitload of things wrong with "Twilight," such as the utter banality of the story to the size 40 font size to the despicable (despicable) writing style to the misogyny to the utter failure of conception that it is. But this post, like Barack Obama, is not about that. The books are bad though seriously if you take nothing else away from this, believe me that the books are bad. They're bad. THEY RAPED MY FATHER.

Anyway, I think the most repulsing thing about the books is that the protagonist (no, not Bella, the other one) is an immortal vampire who has the appearance of roughly an 18-year old post-emo shitstain. Yes of course it's a cliche, but what galls me the most is that this little wanker is immortal, incapable of dropping dead like so many NBC pilots, and yet he literally fucks around in HIGH SCHOOL. I mean, he LITERALLY does it. IN THE LITERAL SENSE. And if it's one thing I hate more than immortal vampire cliches, it's people misusing "literal."

This is how wonderfully bereft of imagination Meyer is. Here you have someone who has lived like a century, and okay yes he looks like a chump kid, but all he's interested in is banging high schoolers and flunking chemistry?

I think it's telling when anyone writes a story about immortals. In this case, we have Meyer, able to grant this enormous gift to anyone she wants, and what does she do with it? She gives it to a prick and his prick family and they squander it. They squander it by being stuck as perpetual adolescents. And while it's true that most adults really don't get past adoloscense, it's also true that they're all boring punks and are the cause of most of the world's problems and I object to being asked to sympathize with them.

In Bella Whateverthefuck (and in a lesser sense, Eddie "Not as good as Matt" Cullen), Meyer imagines herself as being a mincing vampiress living forever (or as they say in "The Sandlot," FOR-EH-VUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) with her shitty boring boyfriend. Well I don't care how stupid you are, you're going to get bored with someone if their idea of a good time is perpetually attending study hall.

Because I mean look, can we be real for a second? Can we B Real? Cullen is a fucking VAMPIRE. He doesn't have to pretend to be a kid for the rest of his loathsome imaginary existence. I mean, for God's sake ANNE FUCKING RICE does more interesting things with her gay vampires!! But he does it anyway. And his family pretends to be boring ol' middle class chumps living in fucking Washington state. I don't get it. And I'm not supposed to get it because I'm not a middle-aged housewife who's grown bored of Fabio. But it still alarms me nonetheless.

There have been countless stories told about immortality and how great/ungreat it is. Everyone usually concludes that immortality is in fact balls, being fun for a little bit before shit takes over. I'm not so sure that I agree with that assessment, but then again, I am not immortal myself so I am biased.

I think the quintessential depiction of immortality in popular media comes in "Vampire Hunter D," portrayed quite plainly by Count Lee, the unmincing vampiric villain. Lee flat-out states that being a vampire sucks cock because it means he can't die, and that means he's bored all the time. "Perpetual boredom," he says in the dub (in Japanese he says something like "Higeyoshi tsune maka baka wa! NANI??? SUPERU-GATCHAMAN POWER UP! FIGHT FOR LOVE!!").

Well yeah, if you're an old yet powerful vampire and you have nothing to do, then yeah, you're going to get bored. Lee tries to spice things up by banging sluts but in the end it's pretty clear that he's desperate and it's sad. Then D kills him and it fucking ROCKS. Good movie go see it.

There's not a lot of nuance to the depiction, but when we're talking about shit as grand as immortality, I don't think nuance becomes a factor. At least not for long. I mean sure, after the first 100 years, being unable to die sounds great. You get to travel the world, watch the world change, see all sorts of interesting people and so on. But then we inevitably see two problems spring up: 1) a lack of permanence and 2) super boredom.

The first point usually gets brought up when people try to wrestle with immortality in fiction. Vampire stories tend to do so because the poor widdle vampire can't marry his cute human bride because eventually she gets old and then dies but meanwhile he stays studly and unchanging and Gary Oldmanish. And then he gets all sad because she's dead and he can't die and now he's allllll alone!

This may not be a problem for our adolescent types, though. Because adoloscents are unable to see clearly beyond a few days what their long-term goals are, they think that whomever they've hooked up with at the moment is their ONE TRU ROVE and then oops they get bored and there's that. Onto the next one! So if your old broad dies, well, really what adolescent immortal is even going to hang around when the first wrinkles come? Immortals don't have the luxury of loving people for who they are because there are so many damn people that it's pointless. Why get attached when you'll have centuries of hotties to work with? Deep down, adolescents know this is true but they delude themselves because the delusion is nicer. But despite their hypothetical longevity, relationships like that end.

Unless they can loophole it by making their current crush immortal, just like them, as what happens in "Twilight." Oh sorry did I spoil it for you? You're welcome.

Yes that's the solution Bella and Edvard (Slavic spelling) come up with. Bella becomes a vamp bitch and after some stupid nonsense with some other vampires, they live happily ever after. They do so because Ms. Meyer is not an adult and thinks there is such thing as "ever after." It doesn't occur to her that, in all likelihood, if Eduardo (Chinese spelling) didn't get bored with Bella (shitty name spelling) when she caught her first whiff of menopause, he would after realizing that she's an insufferable bitch and, as an immortal, he is under no obligation to put up with her shit forever. And there would go that.

So what's the deal then? Is immortality all it's crack-cocaine'd up to be? I don't really know. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a baseball player, and then a cop. I also wanted to live forever because the world was just so damn fascinating and technology was becoming cooler and shit seemed to be progressing. But now I'm not so sure. I mean, let's just stick with the practical. What if I accidentally kill someone and then I get sent to jail for life. I mean sure after 400 years someone would notice that I'm still serving the sentence, but that would really be a stupid predicament to find myself in. What if I fell into the Grand Canyon? What if I fell off a boat in the middle of the Pacific? What if I accidentally was jettisoned into space? What if a natural disaster or nuclear war wipes out everyone? Not so fun now, is it? Well, as long as I have a Gameboy and Kirby's Pinball, yes it is you fucking loser KIRBY'S PINBALL IS THE SHIT.

"The Twilight Zone" was keenly aware of this reality and made a few jabs at how living perpetually is a risky move at best, and kinda pointless at worst.

There's also of course the argument that, well, humans are supposed to die. Circle of life and all that. Your job, as a gazelle, is to get eaten by Mufasa because you are the jungle equivalent of a serf. Not even a serf. You're literally cattle to be eaten by the lions and Disney perpetuates feudalism. YOU FUCKING BASTARDS. But yeah, nobody is supposed to live forever. It's unnatural, and unnatural is scary because we can't imagine what else there's supposed to be. And yes, that is a completely ironic view to hold.

If you have someone who can't die, what then, ultimately, is he or she (let's be real though, only men can be immortals. Sorry girls, but I am a fucking sexist DEAL WITH IT) supposed to do with their time? Do they stand out and have people notice that they never age? Or do they sit perpetually in the background, being drifters and observers, unable to alter the world around them because they know that the world they live in is one constant temporary state of being after another, and that true permanence is illusory when it comes to human affairs?

I mean, don't give me those two classic immortality subsitituion bullshit canards. You know them well. "Ohhh, but what if you do something so great you're remembered throughout history? That's like being immortal!"

Well no, it's not at all like being immortal. It just isn't. I mean, look at Lincoln. He's pretty much "immortal" in the imagination of Americans. They can see him, they imagine how he talks, and they have a basic template of his personality that they feel like they know him. So does that mean he's alive, in the heart of every man and woman, in the smile of every baby, in the wings of every majestic bird? No you stupid twat. He's dead. He told me so when I called him the other day! Actually he was more like "OH MY GOD WHERE THE FUCK AM I? IT'S DARK! I CAN'T MOVE! HOLY FUCK WHO IS THIS CALLING ME RIGHT NOW? NO I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW I'M IN THIS THING! YEAH IT'S LIKE A BOX. WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T GET THE EGGS I'M SORRY I FORGOT. WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE PUT IT ON THE LIST. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANTED TO ASK ME? JUST WRITE IT ON THE FUCKING LIST. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S THERE FOR? NO LOOK HONEY, SORRY, I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS THING I'M IN OKAY? YES. OKAY. I'LL TELL HER. LOVE YOU TOO. BYE."

But yeah, Lincoln is dead and he ain't coming back. He no longer exists except in Heaven, and even there he's not that big a deal. His body has turned most likely to dirt or perhaps even mud, and he is a part of the ecosystem. And no that's not like being immortal either. If you could somehow retain your consciousness while going through the digestive tract of a non-large worm, then we could argue if he was still alive. But you can't. And believe me I tried. It sucked. But it was a worthwhile learning experience.

So no, that's not at all like being immortal except in the most abstract of senses. And humans do not exist in abstract terms unless you're some kind of bored god observing the universe and going "heh" from time to time.

What about the other way? "Oh, well if you have a family, you live on through your family!" No. No you don't. It's real easy folks, you cease to matter to your family after a few generations. I don't know who my great-great grandparents are. I just don't. They have no bearing on me. I mean sure, I guess in some way I vaguely resemble them visually, but that's where it ends. I don't even know their names!! And how far forward is this immortality supposed to go? Do you think my proto-ancestors back in 200 B.C. were going, "Well I hope our greatx31 grandkid Adam turns out to be handsome and awesome and great and shit, and I hope he lands a bangin' Massachusetts bitch and they have lots of kids and then he retires as a world-class jetskiing champ and she becomes a famous writer and they have such pretentious conversations. I really hope that's what happens with him." No, they didn't say that at all.

Hell, they didn't even speak english, first of all, and second of all they were probably serfs in Latium. Wait, they weren't even all in Latium. Some probabaly came from Latium. (That's in Italy by the way if you don't know shit.) Some were probably in north Africa. Some were probably in Turkey. Some were probably Mongols, Chinese, Harrapans, Israelites. Some were probably Jews, Christians, pagans, Zoroastrians and Mormons who time-traveled back to the past to fuck their ancestors because Mormons are really really weird like that. And if you want to be even more fucking outlandish about it, some were probably apes, amphibians, fish, avians, trichordates (I know I have some trichordate blood in me I KNOW IT. IF YOU AIN'T A TRI YOU AIN'T FLY), eukaryotes, etc.

There is no permanence there. It's all changing. And when things change enough, they cease to be what they were. My Sicilian ancestors don't resemble me today. They just don't. They were shorter and spoke a different language and had different expectations out of life and had different understandings about how the universe was. They haven't passed anything onto me but greasy hair, dark skin and a desire to ravish every Roman bitch who comes my way. And do I!

And that's absolutely okay. I'm not really concerned what my space-descendants are going to be like outside of a general desire that their world is a more just and less shitty place than it is today. I can't bring myself to care about my great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson Adam IX Space Poseidon and his wife, a robot named INDUSTRIAL MODEL 62-A. Actually wait, that's fucking gross. No kid of mine is gonna be a robofag. NO ROBAGS!!!! :votes Space Republican:

I think my carenocity (a measure of care) will only reach to my great-great grandkids. I think that's about as much as I can muster. I don't even know if I'll even see them but I'm sure they won't be that annoying. At least they better not, or you better fucking believe I'm not gonna give them any vintage coins for their first birthday.

But yeah, that's not immortality in the slightest. That's just people trying to come to terms with their own lack of permanance, and they're trying to punt it by saying they don't have to DEAL. WITH. IT. because it's not really a problem because hey, live on through kids! But that unleashes all sorts of other unhealthy bullshit that's not worth going into at this point.

So there's nothing else to talk about re: this subject anymore. In conclusion, I will say that extending lifespans is ultimately pointless. Who wants to be an old dude for 30 more years? WHO???? No, the only thing that can REALLY usher in immortality is the Singularity. I don't really know how exactly that'll work but it's supposed to be awesome. Imagine being a computer playing Kirby's Pinball, forever... my god, so this is what Heaven is like..............

DE END.