My eyes are hurting and it's late, so let's keep this quick fellas.
Things that piss me off, in no particular order:
(Well that's not true, it is in the order that it pops into my mind. MY MINDDDDDD.)
The word "scores". No, not like Long Island's most erotic adult club. Like "many," as in, "scores killed today by explosive diarrhea." Al-Jazeera loves to use this. Actually it seems to be that most foreign press like to use it.
Why is it annoying? Because it appears EVERYWHERE. Very rarely do they substitute it with "dozens." Nope, it's usually "scores killed," "scores angry," "scores voting," scores bleaching," "scores scoring," etc.
I think the real problem is that if you keep saying it over and over, it just sounds weird. Try it. Scores. Scores. Scores. Scores scores scores SCORES SCORES.
Okay, now try this next:
Say nispe over and over again. Nispe. Nispe. Nispe nispe nispe nispe NISPE NISPE.
Brett Favre. Yeah yeah, he's annoying, you've probably heard it all now. Well tough, he's still annoying.
"But, why is it annoying for a guy to come out of retirement?" Because he's a drama queen. Whua whua whua my body can't handle training camp. Lemme play coy for two months. Tee hee now I'm back! Hey, go die.
Writer's block. We all get it. Well, people who don't write don't get it, I suppose. But everyone else does. I wonder what it's like for people who rarely write, and they get the idea to write a novel, and they just get stuck.
Usually the reason why I can't write amounts to "I'm tiyerrddd." Yeah whatever. I rarely reach the point where I find myself unable to figure out what to write next (that's what rewinding is for). For instance, I was supposed to finish my next short story tonight. I've got about like six paragraphs left. Piece of cake, eh? No. It'll be done tomorrow I SWEAR.
Mike Tirico. The most milquetoast announcer in sportsdom. Yes, he makes the Gumbels look Charles Manson. If there were two Charles Mansons. Okay, Bryant is Charles and Greg is Marilyn.
Can you tell I'm watching ESPN? You got a prize if you guessed! The prize is me blowing in your ear. WAKE UP.
Movie trailers. I don't have a problem with them per se, I just hate how they're put together. Mainly I'm talking about the typical quick jumpcut montage that shows the ACTION!!! of the film.
I just don't understand what the angle is here. Yes, you can sorta perceive what's in the cuts, but to me all it amounts to is a blur of images. And sometimes they include things that make no sense, like a character TURNING AROUND DRAMATICALLY. Who even puts these things together anyway? What's the instructions? "Hey Clark, could you please just throw together random clips from the movie? And use that music that's like 'Woooooooooaoaaaawwwwhhhhhhh ching.' Yeah, like that. Okay I need that by 9:30. Yeah I know it's 9:25. So what just take anything!!! Also don't piss in my coffee this time."
I imagine that's the worst job in the world. A man should be able to piss in his boss' coffee if he wants to.
The other thing that annoys me about trailers is their tendency to cut together scenes that don't happen in the movie. For instance:
CHARACTER A
Oh boy, I hope nothing dangerous happens!
SOMETHING DANGEROUS HAPPENS
CHARACTER B
Oh wow, that was funny!!!!
I know that's a shitty example, but it perfectly illustrates my case. Why do they even bother with this?
I guess maybe I'm against trailers after all. Hmmmm. I must ponder this.
Speaking of trailers, I find x-minute movie previews to also be distasteful. This is easier to manage though because I can just not watch them. But it still irritates me that the studio thinks that showing the first 15 minutes of a movie is a good idea. It's not a good idea. You should go into a movie a movie virgin. Your ass must be pristine for that movie so that you can feel the full impact. Also the church frowns upon this kind of behavior. Sorry, babe, but we will have to wait.
WINGS. No, not the band. And not the bird appendage. Wait, actually, yes, the bird appendage. But only in a certain sense. This is gonna sound weird but stay with me.
I like wings (as in chicken wings covered in sauce and shit) because it's a fun food. I dislike the expectation that I'm supposed to just scarf these bastards down and get sauce all over my face and fingers and crap. No. I'm like the underwear inspector in "Pete & Pete," I just can't handle that. And it's not because I'm not a sloppy eater, but it's because the sauce does not come off that easy and it kinda burns and I don't like it when my face burns!!
Well folks that wraps it up for this edition of "Shit I Hate." I hope you enjoyed it. We'll come back with better programming next time. Until then, uh...
Things that piss me off, in no particular order:
(Well that's not true, it is in the order that it pops into my mind. MY MINDDDDDD.)
The word "scores". No, not like Long Island's most erotic adult club. Like "many," as in, "scores killed today by explosive diarrhea." Al-Jazeera loves to use this. Actually it seems to be that most foreign press like to use it.
Why is it annoying? Because it appears EVERYWHERE. Very rarely do they substitute it with "dozens." Nope, it's usually "scores killed," "scores angry," "scores voting," scores bleaching," "scores scoring," etc.
I think the real problem is that if you keep saying it over and over, it just sounds weird. Try it. Scores. Scores. Scores. Scores scores scores SCORES SCORES.
Okay, now try this next:
Say nispe over and over again. Nispe. Nispe. Nispe nispe nispe nispe NISPE NISPE.
Brett Favre. Yeah yeah, he's annoying, you've probably heard it all now. Well tough, he's still annoying.
"But, why is it annoying for a guy to come out of retirement?" Because he's a drama queen. Whua whua whua my body can't handle training camp. Lemme play coy for two months. Tee hee now I'm back! Hey, go die.
Writer's block. We all get it. Well, people who don't write don't get it, I suppose. But everyone else does. I wonder what it's like for people who rarely write, and they get the idea to write a novel, and they just get stuck.
Usually the reason why I can't write amounts to "I'm tiyerrddd." Yeah whatever. I rarely reach the point where I find myself unable to figure out what to write next (that's what rewinding is for). For instance, I was supposed to finish my next short story tonight. I've got about like six paragraphs left. Piece of cake, eh? No. It'll be done tomorrow I SWEAR.
Mike Tirico. The most milquetoast announcer in sportsdom. Yes, he makes the Gumbels look Charles Manson. If there were two Charles Mansons. Okay, Bryant is Charles and Greg is Marilyn.
Can you tell I'm watching ESPN? You got a prize if you guessed! The prize is me blowing in your ear. WAKE UP.
Movie trailers. I don't have a problem with them per se, I just hate how they're put together. Mainly I'm talking about the typical quick jumpcut montage that shows the ACTION!!! of the film.
I just don't understand what the angle is here. Yes, you can sorta perceive what's in the cuts, but to me all it amounts to is a blur of images. And sometimes they include things that make no sense, like a character TURNING AROUND DRAMATICALLY. Who even puts these things together anyway? What's the instructions? "Hey Clark, could you please just throw together random clips from the movie? And use that music that's like 'Woooooooooaoaaaawwwwhhhhhhh ching.' Yeah, like that. Okay I need that by 9:30. Yeah I know it's 9:25. So what just take anything!!! Also don't piss in my coffee this time."
I imagine that's the worst job in the world. A man should be able to piss in his boss' coffee if he wants to.
The other thing that annoys me about trailers is their tendency to cut together scenes that don't happen in the movie. For instance:
Oh boy, I hope nothing dangerous happens!
SOMETHING DANGEROUS HAPPENS
Oh wow, that was funny!!!!
I know that's a shitty example, but it perfectly illustrates my case. Why do they even bother with this?
I guess maybe I'm against trailers after all. Hmmmm. I must ponder this.
Speaking of trailers, I find x-minute movie previews to also be distasteful. This is easier to manage though because I can just not watch them. But it still irritates me that the studio thinks that showing the first 15 minutes of a movie is a good idea. It's not a good idea. You should go into a movie a movie virgin. Your ass must be pristine for that movie so that you can feel the full impact. Also the church frowns upon this kind of behavior. Sorry, babe, but we will have to wait.
WINGS. No, not the band. And not the bird appendage. Wait, actually, yes, the bird appendage. But only in a certain sense. This is gonna sound weird but stay with me.
I like wings (as in chicken wings covered in sauce and shit) because it's a fun food. I dislike the expectation that I'm supposed to just scarf these bastards down and get sauce all over my face and fingers and crap. No. I'm like the underwear inspector in "Pete & Pete," I just can't handle that. And it's not because I'm not a sloppy eater, but it's because the sauce does not come off that easy and it kinda burns and I don't like it when my face burns!!
Well folks that wraps it up for this edition of "Shit I Hate." I hope you enjoyed it. We'll come back with better programming next time. Until then, uh...
No comments:
Post a Comment