Welcome ta Earf Day

Today was Earf Day, the day where everyone has to pretend to care about the Earf. Okay I'm gonna stop that now.

Earth Day started years ago, back when people were retarded enough to think that directly inhaling raw soot had no adverse effects to their health. That was when people realized that maybe dumping PCBs all over the place wasn't necessarily a good idea. We've come a long way since then and have discovered new and wondrous ways to give ourselves cancer.

One of the big ironies of the day was NBC's green initiatives. What was so "green" about them? As far as I can tell, all it consisted of was putting an NBC IS GREEN! bug on their screens and not doing much of anything else. Keep in mind that NBC/Universal is owned by General Electric, which had to be dragged kicking and screaming into cleaning up the PCBs it dumped into the Hudson River.

What do I think of Earth Day? Not much. A lot about the environment puts me ill at ease, what with the shitload of chemicals put into food and the soil, global warming, smog clouds over China and, charmingly enough, a giant patch of plastic trash floating in the Pacific. I'm not necessarily scared that there is a blob of trash floating around the Pacific Ocean, a blob that shows no signs of dissipating whatsoever and may eventually form a land bridge between California and northern China, allowing the Chicoms to finally ride their Mongol tanks straight into the HEARTLAND. I'm just alarmed that such a thing can exist at all.

There are some people (Republicans) who rail against Earth Day because it is offensive to their sensibilities. They protest by turning all the lights on in their houses, cranking their ACs up all the way, and possibly dumping lead into aquifers. Sometimes I suspect that people merely put up a pretense of civilization, and then go for any bit of barbarism they can find as soon as people aren't looking. At any rate, if there ever is a Don't Jump Off a Bridge Day, I think the GOP will suddenly find its constituency horribly reduced.

I understand not wanting to be a hippie who finds any and all afronts to mother nature intolerable. I'm not sure what drives people to deliberately want to destroy their environment, though. Do they think they are wounding Gaia? Are they secretly pagans? Have we been tolerating heathens in our midst, earth-worshipping Wiccans bent on destroying the natural order of things?

Fuck no. People are juvenile. That's why they think that dumping toxic waste directly into the ocean is just fine and dandy. The earth doesn't seem to react when you cut a tree down or chop up a mountain to rip out the coal underneath. So you can do whatever you want to it!

Long Island has one of the highest rates of breast cancer in the country, so I don't really find the notion of belching carcinogens into the air to be that charming. On the other hand, I find Holocaust jokes to be amusing. I'm just a big ol' contradiction, much like eveyone who puts an Earth Day bug on their TV channels and then dumps more pollutants wherever they think nobody is looking.

Happy Earf Day. SHIT