Help, I can't read the mingeprompter

Obama has one weakness: the Teleprompter. Actually it's not his weakness, it's the only source of strength he has. You see, the reason Obama (a Moslem) is unpopular is because he has to, like a young illiterate child, transpose his speeches on a Teleprompter, then read them to "cameras" and "reporters" and "audiences" like a fool. Surely nobody else would ever use such a crutch, Mr. Hannity.

Today, Obama was giving a speech on pig flus and his new dog when, I guess, the Teleprompter was a bit less than hasty in dispatching his notes. This caused some consternation because Obama's speech got messed up, and he verbally berated the rogue machine for its tardiness. Well you can bet that some people were a-titter about that little embarrassment.

Except not. Some were DEALY SERIOUS. As in DEALY PLAZA. And you know what happened there.

Now I-- what? It's Dealey Plaza? Well, shit, I guess we're okay, for now.

Anyway, now I understand that Republicans have absolutely nothing pertinent to say, what with defending torture like a fraternity boy arguing that waterboarding some pledges is just a good round o' fun. So desperate are they to point out that the colossus has bronze feet that they pick up on any mishap and either a) inflate the seriousness of it, or b) use it to point out that Obama is not as popular as advertised.

(By the way, you might be wondering why I am unusually eloquent tonight. I have been watching a spot o' British television and their cockney ways have rubbed off on me I'm afraid. Bear with me, mate!)

The Republicans keep insisting that there is a "silent majority" that is waiting in the wings, just waiting to vote them back into power because the States is a center-right country and all. Of course, in the past two elections, they must've been the silent and crippled majority because they couldn't give enough of a toss to show up at the voting booths.

This myth has, of course, persisted since the Nixon days. Oddly enough, the mercurial silent majority sometimes pops up to vote for a Republican as president, and sometimes not. They also frequently voted for Democrats in Congress. Big surprise, when you rely on an entity that's as real as the elves of Middle Earth, you don't actually come up with results that mean anything.

So addled are the GOP by Obama that they have also clinged to a stunt performed today in the skies over NYC. Some brilliant mind decided that the POST 9/11 (refrain from forgetting, please) WORLD would be perfectly fine with a commuter jet flying relatively low and towards buildings. These are the kinds of things that make you feel good about life because you know that people are so retarded that they can cause chaos purely from nowhere, and that's funny because if it wasn't then you'd never leave your house, stuck on your couch in horror until you realize that curling up into a ball is bad for your back, so you lay yourself out in a straight line on the floor, but then you realize that if an earthquake happens, you will be sucked into the ground like in that horrifying Mark Twain claymation cartoon. And you do NOT want to know what that's all about.

Well you can imagine the stink the GOP made about this retarded show of stupidity. They are now demanding that Obama be held personally responsible and are mewling about the cost of the photo op. Leave it to the GOP to see Obama making a fool of himself and then jump in front of the spotlight like an overeager prankster, taking all the focus and reminding people that they recently had as president a man who never met an idiom he couldn't butcher.

I can understand how Obama can be frustrating. Here he is, taking up all the media attention by signing orders and saying this and doing that and having another press conference so that Jake Tapper can play "Smear the Queer" with the White House Press Corps. Obama is like the drama that plays before the GOP sitcom, the Emmy-award winning farce that people tune into because they like catharsis and they like the idea that someone can be in control of something so fundamentally retarded as the United States of America. And then the GOP comes on, complete with a stifled laugh track, playing the husband who falls on the ground trying to fix the sofa because men are idiots, especially James Belushi. Well there the GOP is, on the floor going, "WHAAAAAAAA?" and hoping that the audience will find them charming enough to renew for EIGHT FUCKING YEARS? HOLY SHIT.

While the comparison to the GOP with Jim Belushi is apt, comparing Obama to, say, liberal-president dreamhunk Josiah C. Bartlett of "The West Wing" is less than apt. For one thing, Obama is completely grounded in the realism of the presidency, that is, it's mainly about making shitty decisions that hurt a ton of people, and it's not at all about ideology. Sorry Mr. Sorkin, I didn't mean to walk in front of the telly while you were trying to wank it to universal health care or the notion that the president gives more than a passing shit about the condition of the unpeople that make it up. But that's the way things are. Which is why the GOP will continue to be a clownshow until someone shows up at the next production meeting, executes the Belushis and replaces them with something cooler and more grounded, like, say, "House" or "Life on Mars." Yes I like those two shows. EAT ME.

So there we are, comparing politics to television because the world keeps slipping into chaos. People who say that real life is boring need to check themselves. Mmmmm hmmmmmmmm.