From time to time, yes even I watch movies just to feel like I'm staving off death for another few hours. Tonight's fare was "Speed Racer," the 2008 hit (as in, it hit the bottom of the box office LAFFO how was that for redirection?) from the Wachowski Bros.
I could get into a detailed explanation about the films merits, or lack thereof, but I have a better idea.
First, take a blank sheet of paper, any size at all really. Next, take a dozen or so cans of spray paint. Make sure you are NOT wearing a mask.
Now, spray the paint all over the paper, being sure to include an equal amount of each color, for full effect. While this is all going on, breathe in as much as possible, preferably as close to the paint as possible.
The result may not be an accurate description of what happens in the movie or what it's like, but it is an activity more rewarding than watching any part of this movie.
That's how most movie reviews should be. There's really no point in writing a disseration as to why a shitty movie sucks. Even Ebert doesn't bother with full movie reviews anymore. Do I have to list all the reasons why "The Dark Knight" is a good flick? No. It's self-evidentary, really.
But really, "Speed Racer" is a total shit movie and it's good to know that my instinctual reactions to movies is still mostly in tact.
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