This post is not sponsored by Disney. I am owned by NO MAN. NO MOUSE. NO PIG. NO MARTIAN.

This weekend is the annual ESPN at Disney weekend or some shit. It's pretty much the epitome of crass, soulless cross-promotion, and as a frequent ESPN viewer it makes me want to RETCH.

All forms of cross-promotion suck, except for The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons, but none is worse than when Disney sticks its tentacles in one of its fiefs.

Disney itself is a base organization, which is sad because it's very good at supplying a vacation experience. It's also an unscrupulous organization, as the Disney parks (at least in America) are usually dens of filth, sexual assault and horrific death (incidents that Disney is basically immune from re: prosecution and civil suits). Don't believe me? Here's a completely trustworthy website: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Disney.html.

But enough of that. Disney also offends by swamping everything it touches with perfectly clean, polished corporate shit, and whenever ESPN has to indulge the mouse, it inevitably devotes an inordinate amount of its programming promoting everything Disney and, even worse, the state of Florida.

Take tonight for instance. Between fellating Tim Tebow (hint: in order to properly fellate him, you need tweezers lined with cotton) and, um, shit actually that was the only other thing they were doing tonight, but the main thing they were doing was promoting THE ORANGE BOWL OH WOW AND LOOK WHAT'S NEAR THE ORANGE BOWL??? DISNEYWORLD! WOW!

ESPN has been threatening its viewers with such great things like Mike & Mike reporting live from the fucking Teacup ride and Donald Duck doing play analysis or some shit.

Mike & Mike is enough of an abomination. Having them being joined by fucking Goofy is... wait, actually that would raise the average intelligence of that show substantially. But it would be unpleasant nevertheless.

As for Donald Duck doing analysis, I am almost 100% certain he's not as smart as Ron Jaworski and he totally blew that Patriots pick from October. Yeah, AFTER Brady got hurt he was still like, "THE PAYTWIOTS WIW TOWTAWY GO AW DA WAY WID MAWONI AND DEY GOW MAWS TOO AYGAGAGAGAGAGAGAAGAGA." Yeah Donald, that's why we don't base our predictions on player performance on Madden, okay?

Also, I didn't want to bring this up but I feel someone has to say it... Donald Duck is a racist. There I said it. You don't believe me? Watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit. He clearly calls Daffy Duck a "nigger" during the piano duel. Watch it. He fucking says it. What a fucking creep man. Daffy is not a nigger, he's clearly a CHINK.

I will probably have more on this later, but I... I just can't right now. Okay? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.