I'm afraid I can't help it

I love being paranoid, which is insane (literally!) because paranoia causes all kinds of difficulties in one's life. In extrme forms, it is completely debilitating, but I'm not demented enough for that yet.

The world of psychology has an extensive definition of what paranoia is, but as typical with these kinds of things, it's probably way too general and vague to be particularly useful. So I'll stick with the popular definition: paranoia is the fear that everyone is out to get you.

Yes, everyone. Everyone and everything is a potential threat. Not a real threat per se, but it's there, like an animal, stalking you. Is it just watching? Or will it pounce?

Our caveman, bonobo and dinosaur ancestors were paranoid. You have to be if you're going to survive in the mean streets of the Serengeti. It's a completely natural, if unpleasant, way of being. And I think everyone on the planet is paranoid to some level. The ones who ain't tend to be dead.

"But, dude, why do you like being paranoid?" you're asking in between handfuls of pizza rolls. It's not so much being paranoid that's cool, it's being aware of it. I'm a firm believer that every last human being has some kind of mental defficiency, no matter how slight. Our brains are the most complex machine in existence, so something is bound to be fucked up in there.

The key to survival is not being the strongest, but being the most aware of weakness so as to avoid getting nailed. In the wild, animals like rabbits and mealworms can't do a whole lot to survive a confrontation with something bigger, except for mealworms that're smart enough to tote assault rifles. And brother, you don't want to trip over those guys. So in order to survive, you have to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you will get stomped, either by nature or general misfortune or other members of the species.

Our species evolved because it figured out what weaknesses it had and figured out how to remedy them. It also had a bunch of biological advantages but I barely got past biology so we're just gonna skip that.

Where is this retarded post going, you're asking? The inspiration came from this article from The Atlantic. It's pretty long and you'll probably lose interest after the first paragraph because you're young and you think you're unstoppable. This is why you need to learn how to get in touch with your paranoia and know when to turn it on and when to turn it off.

To wit, here's the crux of the article:

If it persists much longer, this era of high joblessness will likely change the life course and character of a generation of young adults—and quite possibly those of the children behind them as well. It will leave an indelible imprint on many blue-collar white men—and on white culture. It could change the nature of modern marriage, and also cripple marriage as an institution in many communities. It may already be plunging many inner cities into a kind of despair and dysfunction not seen for decades. Ultimately, it is likely to warp our politics, our culture, and the character of our society for years.

This is not unprecedented at all. It's a simple fact that when poverty rises, desperation rises. And when desperation rises, very bad things happen.

I'm not usually a fan of breaking down groups of people into "generations," because the experiences people have across demographics tend to be vastly different. It's only appropriate to do so, I think, when there's a shared experience across the population, like World War II, the last time I think you can conclusively lump a generation together (into the self-serving "Greatest Generation," in this case). I never bought "Generation X" or "Generation Y" or "Generation Pepsi." Definitely not Pepsi. Fuck any drink that is carbonated WHY DOES MY TONGUE FEEL LIKE IT'S BURNIN

I think we're going to head into a new unified generation, this time called "Generation Fucked," or "Gen FU." What's happening in the world right now is not different, but it is huge. It's all encompassing. It's so huge that nobody is going to be able to dodge this draft or avoid rationing, except for the filthy rich maybe. It's very hard for the uneducated to see in detail what the problems are. Even I have to rely on reading abstract news, not technically comprehending what is happening.

But there is a growing sense, and even the normally happy-go-lucky media can't ignore it, that something is critically wrong and nobody is going to stop it. Europe itself is facing a financial cataclysm that could potentially unravel all the political progress it made since the fall of the Soviet Union.

It's also tempting to throw in global climate change and peak oil into the mix, but those are two things that are largely out of everyone's control. And yes I realize the sheer irony of that statement. But the financial crisis is easily the most fixable thing, and it won't be fixed. It just won't. The people in charge of fixing it are instead using it to enrich themselves, and as the past 10 years have proven definitively, there is only so many buckazoids to go around.

The closest thing to a solution we have is just finger-pointing. "It's liberals fault." "No, asshole, it's Bush's fault." "You're all wrong, Goldman Sachs did it!" "Um excuse me, hello guys? The Illuminati?" And so on...

The whole situation reminds me of that episode of "The Simpsons," where Bart takes on Australia... AND WINS. The scene in particular is when the Australians, having successfully driven the Simpsons out, look around and realize that the bullfrog brought in by Bart has multiplied and is destroying the ecosystem, eating the shit out of all of Australia's crops. We're coming upon the realization that while we were distracted by something frivolous, like dumbass "service economy" jobs, or terrorism, or the Lakers, something was busily undermining us all along. And now we can just look around helplessly while creepy music plays and the Simpsons fly off and oh look a koala is hiding on the plane so Springfield is gonna get it too.

Incidentally the current predicament also reminds me of "Marge vs. the Monorail" but I've met my "Simpsons" quota for the week, so shut up.

Back to my paranoia: It's only been in recent years that I've come to terms with it. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on my mood and can, even if I can't control it, be aware of what's happening and not take everything too seriously. But I also like that it gives me a perception into everything around me, that there is danger lurking around every corner. Maybe there really isn't, but it's better to go in suspicious at first and build up trust rather than being a gullible simp.

My impression is that paranoia is the most common mental messup in the population. But that doesn't mean that everyone has the same insight into shit that I think I do. A lot of people don't seem to understand that a great deal of their fears, even if they are appropriate, are based on bullshit, like dogmatic fears or superstition or plain ol' irrationality. This is problematic because then those people turn into shut-ins or Tea Partiers or dumbass liberals. Once you think you know the score, you look up and see that someone homered off of you and now you don't know the score and now the coach is making you run a lap around the diamond until you learn to PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME.

I sincerely believe that the entire planet is heading towards a period of unprecedented danger. Unprecedented because unlike global (man-caused) catastrophes of old, we possess the tools to do damage far greater than Genghis or Tamerlane even dreamt of. And those guys knew how to build a really gnarly mountain of skulls. Imagine people with the personalities of those two at the controls of some of the toys lying around today... Do you even really need to?

Because of this, I'm not interested in curing my paranoia or getting over it or suppressing it. I don't think that's even really possible, anyhow. I'm going to embrace it and hold onto it and use it, and as long as I stay sharp *snap* and on the edge *snap* where I need to be, I think I'll be able to prevent it from getting the best of me.

That's the plan at least. Now you see why this may all be for naught.